I love hosting. In fact, it’s part of my art, when I create a space from a ceremony, to circle, a group yoga or guided meditation, or even an online container, I feel at ease, I feel complete, I am living and breathing my purpose, I get to share my authenticity and magic and truly connect with how others feel to provide what they need in that moment. And I know this is not something I will ever retire from.
So, big news, looking after people who visit me is like second nature, I love it. Even more so because those who stay “Chez Copine” are dear to me.
Whether I was living in Bordeaux, Sydney, London, Barcelona or wherever else in the world I have lived, receiving visitors has always been my favourite moment, taking my loves on a journey through my favourite spots, in a perfectly coordinated programme, including lots of walking mileage, spots along the river, a detour to the cute pond with the water lilies, a pause in the sun to eat a croissant in the park in front of an orange tree and a beautiful building, and all the secret spots for sunset or undiscovered viewing spots of Big Ben and the London Eye with a cool perspective. I even coordinated to get on a cable car from Greenwich to Stratford on Guy Fawkes Night to view the fireworks with my parents once!
The most unique memorable and perfectly curated experience. Done.
But today… I live on an island, because remoteness has felt like a boundary I have desired to create ever since I read CIRCE in April 2020 perched on my windowsill in the sunniest London Spring ever lived.
And it’s felt awesome. Recently, I started receiving friends and I am so grateful for these moments shared because I realised how much I have grown in this field, how much I still enjoy another’s presence. On the flip side I realised how aware I am of their needs and wants and my inner desire to fulfil these over my own. People pleaser alert! No, I really feel this is part of my gift on this Earth. A golden shadow you may say.
But, with someone in your space 24/7 over a certain amount of time boundaries are ESSENTIAL. The regular check-ins: what does my body need? what does my project need? what will keep regulating my nervous system?
Boundaries are necessary.
Daily.
To reconnect with the limits of the self.
To hear the whispers of one’s own needs.
To heal, to grow, to release.
But isolation isn’t a long term solution either (is it even it in the mid term?). We live in a world of disconnection, that exacerbates fear, loneliness, desperation, disillusion, disheartenment. Even in the entrepreneurial world I see so many impact driven solopreneurs desiring to create change but wanting to focus on doing it alone to get the money flowing in before they can delegate, open up to others. And then burn out because there is no moderation when it is us with our own (highest) expectations. The disappointment, the frustration (why am I not there yet!).
Some of us have taken pride in protecting our aura, not allowing most into our energetic field and really nurturing ourselves from this place of sovereignty, but is it avoidance?
It certainly feels safer when the walls are up. But is it a false sense of safety if we’re not actually creating space for others to enter and test our boundaries? If we’re not even giving ourselves an opportunity to voice these?
How does it feel like to say “no” for you? To give or receive a “no”?
Because when I say no to someone, the day I say yes, they know I mean it. They know with certainty it’s a yes.
My boundary only exists when it is tested.
And from this place of being in my center, I can really choose, I can truly connect with others. From a true place of intentional love and care.
thanks for this. Recovering Chameleon, Empath. Conflict is challenging for me.
Ending a 2 year business partnership last week because it triggered my Father wound, martyr and love for performance. so I ended up feeling responsibility for the business, he didn't have to be accountable to be for our agreements. When asserted, he applied gaslighting. What you said about boundaries being testing are really testing my newly remember identity. Cheers and thanks for your writing and perspective.