This Is A Man's World...

Why the linear world fears cyclical feminine wisdom

I’m beginning to realise that much of the suffering imposed on women comes from living in a linear world.

The linear world is an illusion. Linear time is an illusion.

The only thing that truly exists is the present. The only real experience is what we feel and who we connect with, not what we own or produce.

And yet so much of the current reality we live in places value on these markers: property, status, descendants, fame.

The pressure of constant output is linear. The pressure of stable happiness is linear. The pressure of constantly growing capital and assets is linear.

The pressure to cheat age with botox and gravity with facelifts. The pressure to control a changing body with extreme diets and high intensity exercise that further dysregulate our hormones. The pressure to prioritise how we look over what we create.

The belief that we will not be taken seriously if we are too emotional, if we talk about controversial subjects, if we do not look perfect and polished.

We have been restrained and belittled, controlled and abused. Even writing these words makes me feel uneasy.

“There’s never been a better time to be a woman,” I hear. And it might be true, at least in Europe. But that does not mean the world truly accepts and celebrates our womanhood.

We still give birth to one hundred percent of the population. On that basis alone we should be the most protected and valued beings on this planet. And yet sometimes it feels like we are the most exploited, either overtly or silently.

From the extremely visible sex trafficking happening worldwide, carried out by men of all social classes and ethnic backgrounds, not excluding some of the most powerful figures of influence… down to the husband who is kind and intelligent and works hard for his family, yet completely overlooks the daily micro efforts his wife expands to make his and his family’s life run smoothly.

Cleaning. Cooking. Tidying up. Planning holidays. Anticipating every meal and snack. School outings. Sorting homework. Managing eating and sleep schedules. Micromanaging everything like a military operation so that the little humans get to class on time and you have your shirt and trousers ready for work.

God forbid she does not do that for you. Suddenly it feels like you have to do EVERYTHING alone.

This is not an incendiary tale towards men. I know there are men who see this, who recognise it, and who cherish their partners daily. And I recognise this is a very gendered picture. But somehow it feels that this is where the pattern of not being seen and appreciated appears most strongly, though I could be wrong.

This is an ode to all the women in my life. All the ones with whom I have shared a smile, a hug, a moment of truth, a cry, a laugh, a casual conversation, or a deeply intimate exchange.

I love you, women. And I want to see you shine, feel empowered, feel supported. If not always directly by your partners, then by all the other women on this Earth.

The illusion that we should compete with one another or hide our insecurities is a construct. We do not serve the patriarchy when we make ourselves small. We do not serve ourselves when we try so hard to be liked.

We are not empowered when we censor ourselves. We are not empowered when we hide, shrink ourselves, remain paralysed by self doubt or perfectionism or worse, when we don’t ask for help.

Women have deep hearts and emotions. Men have emotions too. It is simply the aspect of them that has been most repressed.

And right now many of us are feeling a lot. We have been told we should not feel so much, that emotion interferes with productivity and output. So we do our best to keep it under control through self medication, numbing, or other coping mechanisms.

Yet this very emotion connects us. Between women. Between men and women.

What worries me most is the possibility that one day we may be offered the option to remove this discomfort completely, to eliminate the friction between the expectations of the external world and the truth of our internal world.

And yet this internal world is infinitely richer and more powerful than anything human made in the external world, at least in my humble opinion.

I know that on my deathbed I will not remember how much I gathered. But I will remember how many hearts I touched and how deeply I loved.

So with this, I want to celebrate the many facets of a woman.

The Maiden. The little girl in each of us, curious about life. Playful, mischievous, creative like a forest fairy. Sometimes wanting to be liked so much she forgets herself. Other times wanting something so deeply that she seizes the opportunity.

The Mother. The nourisher of babies, communities and projects. The one who serves, who stands in her sovereignty, beauty and confidence. The one who protects her people.

The Wild Woman. The one who no longer serves the system because she has reconnected to her roots and her deep intrinsic connection to nature. She recognises plant and animal wisdom as powerful, if not more powerful than humankind. She is untamed, impulsive and unpredictable. And for this she is feared. She holds strong boundaries and a sharp critical mind.

The Crone. The one who carries the wisdom of the three that came before her. The one who no longer cares what others think of her. The one who spends more time in silence and observation. The one who shares her wisdom so that younger generations may learn from her experience while still making their own.

The world we live in certainly values the first two. The malleability of the Maidens and the productivity of the Mothers. But the insolence of the Wild Women and the wisdom of the Crones create too much friction with the expectations of a controlled and linear world.

Reclaiming the power of these archetypes feels essential. They correspond to our luteal and menstruation phases, and even to perimenopausal and menopausal stages in life. It makes sense that these are often the times when women struggle to maintain a place within society.

Since we cannot change the external world without first impacting ourselves, the key lies in understanding these inner seasons, these inner shifts, and the magic hidden within each of them.

Eventually we create a bridge by leading through example. So that instead of saying “I cannot do this because I am on my period” or “I am on my period but I am still pushing through like a boss”, we can say: “I am on my period. I am doing my best. And it is enough.”

And by the way, “doing your best” is one of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Doing your best does not mean giving one hundred percent every day. It means doing your best for this day, knowing that each day your best looks different.

Because that is what makes us human.

Not robots.

Be more human. Be more woman.

If you wish to delve deeper into cyclical wisdom, you can join the waitlist for the next edition of Cycles Alchemy. The current cohort began on 3 March and the next one will take place in the Spring.

Much love to all the women in this world and beyond. May this year bring us more permission to tune into ourselves as a true place of self-empowerment.

Camille

Photo by Drew Dizzy Graham on Unsplash